This seems to be a favorite phrase for my husband to say to me when I complain or whine about something.   "Poof, Its Gone!"  Allow me to share my favorite example of a conversation that happened one night a few weeks ago.

ME:  "I have a headache, my head really hurts!"

HUSBAND:  "Poof!! It’s Gone"

ME: "My headache??!"

HUSBAND:  "No, your head."

I think that’s one reason why I love him so much… He makes me laugh, even when I have a horrible migraine!

My Current Mood:  Just Okay…

Quote of the Day:
It is a great thing to start life with a small number of really good books which are your very own.
–Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Pretty much where I am today.  Have been getting there for awhile as you can see from the looks of that rope!

I’ve had it.  I hate being lied to.   And I don’t mean small little fibs, I’m talking bold faced lies told straight to my face as if she really believes the BS flowing from her mouth.  Seriously?  What the crazy is her problem.

I know in this post I’m not saying WHO *SHE* is, but anyone who knows me knows who I’m talking about most likely, and if you dont well then… It’s really not important.   I generally wouldn’t even take the time to skip my fingers across the keyboard to bring it into my little blogosphere but I’m frustrated.  Frustrated to the point of tears.   To the point of pulling out my hair and screaming.   It’s one thing to have someone do something like this to ya when they’re a stranger, or even a friend.   But when it’s your family, it’s really tough.   You’re put between a rock and a hard place and forced to make certain decisions that you just should not ever have to. 

It’s one lie after another.   One problem after another.  and Sadly? I regret ever even allowing her into my life at this point.  I regret sharing my world with her and letting her be a part of it what I’ve worked hard to earn.   And the appreciation or thanks for sharing almost everything I have?  NOTHING .   I dont seek material things as thanks, and I dont even seek a verbal "thanks for bailing me out and trying to help me make my life better", all I ask to show appreciation?  What do I seek?   Take care of the things I have let you borrow or have.   Have a little bit of pride in yourself and above all, for the love of the flying spaghetti monster, make a better damn life for yourself.   Not many people are given the opportunity we’ve given you, and not many people can share what they have as we did.   But to keep on with a "GIMME GIMME" attitude and rock my world by turning my life upside down and back again because you can’t choose to change your life?  NO.

No more.  Unfortunately, I fear our relationship with this family member has ended.   and that makes me sad.   But it’s to the point where I dont know if I love her or hate her, when I see her I dont know whether to hug her or kick her teeth in.   It’s got to stop.  

Not only has she burned her bridges with us, she has now burned bridges with her neighbors, the community and the local church.   What a way to live a life.  I just dont understand it.

My mom always taught me that what I think is right isn’t always someone else’s idea of right.   And how I choose to spend my money and what I think is important, isn’t what someone else might think is important.   But in this situation I just dont get it.   I’m baffled.

My husband and I have worked hard the last 10 years to establish a good stable life for ourselves.  I can not sit back any longer while someone decides to ruin all that we have worked hard for.   

Even tonight I tried to be nice.  And hours later I get stabbed in the back, or she complains to someone that we are treating her unfairly.  Excuse me?   Lets talk about what you’ve been given, shall we?

• When you had no place to go….. We offered you ours, at first you declined.   Then months later you decided okay, I’ll do it. 
• You had no job.  We charged NOTHING to you in rent.   We paid your Electric bill for 7 months, the Gas bill for 10 months, and the water bill for 12 months.  And did not ask you for anything but to get a job, and get on your feet so you could take these over.   All we asked?  If something came up to repair in the house, you needed to make the repair.
• You had no reliable vehicle.  We let you borrow ours.   You wrecked it.
• We sold you the car that you wrecked, you had no money.   We let you make payments to us at a very small $50 / month.  Because you were still struggling to find work.
• You had a hard time finding a job.   We drove you from Layton, to Ogden, to Brigham City, to Logan, and all over Tremonton.   We made you a resume, and one for your dumb boyfriend at the time.   We asked for no gas money, we just did it.  Trying to help you.   On our days off, our free time from work, we spent helping YOU.    We even coached you on how to interview for jobs, following up on job leads, and filling out applications.  Did you take any of our advice? nope, what the hell do we know!
• When the water heater started leaking in May, and you showed us.   We asked you to call someone to look at it and see if it was just a seal needing replaced or the water heater.   You did not do this.   Instead, you let it leak.. and get worse and worse.   And in October decided that when it was spewing 40 gallons of water every few hours onto the floor you better do something about it.   After you’d been living the previous 3 weeks in 3" or more of water.   The church was nice enough to help ME out and put a water heater in for you because your money went to … well… where did your money go?    There again… I lose!   EVERYTHING in my basement ruined that I had stored.  all but about TEN boxes of items I just couldn’t part with.   But can I ever bring them into my home now? no, they’re moldy.  Thanks.. Thanks for destroying 30 years of memories.   Precious things I can never replace because my mother who made them is now gone forever.  and your response?  "Yeah i’ve had to throw stuff away before too." & "it’s not my fault", you selfish little wretch    But since I’m really really patient … even though I’m still upset by it, I moved past it best i could.   The rest of the damage?  my 4 bedroom home turned into a 2 bedroom home with an unfinished basement.   OH!! Your boyfriend will fix it?  Yeah, okay, he has yet to even get a job, so …. his word is as about as good as yours.
• I helped you with the situation you were in with your children.  My sisters helped in this as well, my one sister gave me a twin mattress so your kids would have a bed to sleep on.  We bought a bunk bed frame and another mattress.   My oldest sister gave you clothes her kids had grown out of to "help you out", my friend at work did the same.   Were you appreciative? Nope, not even a "Thanks"
• It’s a small town girlfriend, people know people…. and they know who you are.   Especially when you make yourself stick out like a sore thumb.   Do you not think this gets back to me?   My best friend is married to the power company shut off guy… Yeah, do you think he’s going to cut the power and not tell me cause you can’t manage your finances? Or … do you think I dont know people who shop at the same grocery store you do?  You encounter someone nearly everyday and make an impact.  YOU CHOOSE to make a good impression or a bad one.   I hear about the bad ones.   I know things that go on.  You really cant hide things from us!
• Honesty.  This is a big one for me.   I have trust in people.  But when it’s broken one time, it takes a lot to earn it back.   I’d appreciate and deal with lots better if you’d come to me and say "look I screwed up big time, I was stupid ,  I made a bad choice, and this is what’s going on".  Instead, you try to cover your tracks and hide things from me, which just makes me angry and not trust or want to help you at all.   I can’t promise I wont get mad at you telling the truth, but trust me it’s better than lies. I hate dishonest and deceitful people.  HATE THEM!
• Everything you dont want, you throw in the back yard, regardless of whether you think its something of mine or not.  Have a little respect for things that aren’t yours.   And have a little respect for the people that have to live by you. 

This is about as far as I’m gonna list.. I dont know that my web host provides enough space for me to express so much frustration and write such a long long list.   I’m sure several of your are shaking your head and saying "you let her into your life" "You let it continue, " and many of you are pointing the blame this way for us giving so much.  Well, if it was your brother, sister, mother, etc… wouldn’t you hope they’d turn their life around given the amazing opportunity they had?

Tonight was just the icing on the cake.   My spirit is broken and ruined.   I dont trust people, I’m hurt, and I’m angry.  Honestly, I never want to help anyone out again.  Family or not.  In fact, when I see someone on the street who needs help, I’m going to always wonder what the hell they did to their family & friends, that it came to point where they’re standing on the corner holding that sign.  

I will tolerate no more of the deceit, I will have no more lies.   I will not sacrifice my needs for the needs and wants of others.   I will not give what we have worked so hard for.   I’m done.   and it’s unfortunate.  There is only two very small unfortunate consequences to this choice, and some day they will come to realize that I have an unconditional love for them.   But because of the choices their mother continues to make, she’s gonna drag them down that same road.   And when she falls, and loses everything… I’ll be there for the two who didn’t have a choice.  

Quote of the Day:
Truth will always be truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance.
–W. Clement Stone

It’s February again, and this little guy saw his shadow.   Which means 6 more weeks of winter.  I hate you groundhog.   Really I do.   I need spring.   and I need it now.   I’m sick of seeing snow, I need green, I need rain and thunderstorms, I need to be able to hop in the car and drive through the mountains and see the scenery…

Who put you in charge of deciding when winter ends anyway?? Really?  Who asked you?    I know I’m a day late on this post, but this was my first day off in the last couple days when I actually had time to sit down and express my hatred for the Groundhog!  I realize we need the snow and water yadda yadda yadda, but c’mon, enough already, k?   k thanks   Bye!

My Mood:   Meh

Quote of the Day:
We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.
–Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Today’s Mood:  Baffled

Quote of the Day:
Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.
–C. Archie Danielson

I crack me up sometimes! haha !   Here’s the update on Dennis’ knee injury tho.   On December 18th when we were leaving work, Dennis was scraping the windows on the truck in work’s parking lot that they so lovingly chose not to salt that evening.   Anyways, needless to say, it was one slick mother!  An ambulance ride, emergency room visit, and orthopedist later we find out he’s a very lucky guy.   The doctor thinks all the ligaments are still intact, just stretched a bit.   He also has several micro fractures around the joint that will just take time to heal and a huge effusion (spelling?)  which is a ball of liquid and fluids, blood, etc floating around in his knee area.   That will take time to reabsorb into his system.   He bruised it all the way to the bone.   Anyways… doesn’t sound very lucky, but the lucky part is, no ligaments (as far as we can tell on the MRI’s) are torn.   That means, no Surgery! YAY!  

He began his physical therapy yesterday and has a couple more sessions this week.    The physical therapist is amazed at his progress thus far.   He can already bend between 70-90 degrees which is a huge improvement from two weeks ago when it was at 30 degrees.    He’s certainly a fighter and hates being confined to a clunky leg brace.   I’m pretty sure he’ll be back to normal and fully functional again soon!  He’s a pretty determined, tough guy!.  .   

My Mood:   Meh

Quote of the Day:
Nothing is too high for a man to reach, but he must climb with care and confidence.
–Hans Christian Andersen

Both Dennis and I have been sick the last week or so with Bronchitis.   We’ve unfortunately had to miss our long week at work…. this sucks because it uses up a lot of our benefits and time off we get for the year.   We’re going to have to make the rest of our time last until January 2011 now, not that we have oodles of fun things to do this year, but it pretty much rules out a nice vacation that we can enjoy later.  I guess that’s life huh?

I had to go get my inhaler filled on Friday afternoon, I was having a terrible time breathing.  Bronchitis and Asthma don’t mix very well.   I got a fabulous lecture from the doctor on asthma being the leading cause of preventable death.  Yeah guy, why the hell do you think I’m sitting in your office telling you I need my inhaler refilled?   Needless to say, after answering every possible question he could have asked, he wrote me a script.  Now the hard part.  I had to go get it filled.   If you know me at all, I would normally have my mom do this for me.   And if you know even more, you’d know that I’ve not stepped foot in that pharmacy since mom passed away in May 2008.   You may think thats just dumb, but let me explain.   Everytime I walked into that pharmacy, just by sheer habit, I would always head to the back office and there’d be mom sitting down at her desk working on stuff.   Or I would walk in and peek over the pharmacy desk and see mom in the office working.   Since mom has passed away, it’s hard to go in there and know that mom wont be in there to help me find what I need or that she isn’t just sitting back in that office.      Ugh.   I know I know… most of you are thinking that’s odd.   But that’s one thing I guess I cant seem to get past.   Mom started working in that pharmacy when I was 3 years old. I spent a lot of time going in there and it holds a lot of memories of mom for me.   Hell I can’t even call there without wanting to ask “is Becki there?” .     So anyways… needless to say, ,I had a hard time walking thru the store and getting what I need.   But I got it and hopefully I dont have to need anything for a long time again… lol.   Maybe I just need to change pharmacies!? 

So anyway, we sick kids have been parked in this house for the last week.   I think we’ve been through 7 gallons of Orange Juice, a bottle of Nyquil, 1 Asthma Inhaler, 1/2 bottle of Excederine Migraine, and countless amounts and gallons of water from taking a steam shower.   Sorry fishies of the world, when I’m sick, I take a lot of baths and showers!

On a brighter note, we are starting to beat this thing I think.   My lungs are still sore and can’t move around much without getting tired… but I feel like we are starting to breathe easier.   A couple more days rest ought to do it.    Dennis has Physical Therapy for his knee tomorrow.  After that i’ll blog that story and update on his knee happenings!   I’m just thankful there isn’t going to be any surgery involved yet!   He’s one lucky guy!

Well, as I said before, I think we’re both going a little stir crazy!  but other than that, we are resting lots, drinking lots of fluids and trying to kick the bronchitis outta here..

…until next time

Today’s Mood:  Bleh

Quote of the Day:
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
–Charles H. Duell

It is! A post!  whoa.  okay dont get used to it.  The only reason I’m feeling the blog posting love is because I’ve been home sick in bed / on my couch / lazboy chair for the last week now.  It’s rediculous.   The husband and I both have… are you ready… Dun… Dun… DUN…

Brontosaurus? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! Bronchitis.  on the verge of Pneumonia.  Lets hope we’re past that scary stage!  Anywho, on top of bronchitis I have asthma.  Yeah, that’s not a fun combination is it?   Needless to say, I have been living on my asthma inhaler and drinking lost of fluids and resting lots and lots.

So what else is going on in my world squirrel?  Well, it’s Nuts really.   My world that is.   There are so many things and complaints and ramblings I could get into but alas this is not the post for such things.  And, I shall update later when I can put those expressions and stories into words on a page that are appropriate for most all age groups.   hahaha!

Okay… so it’s Nyquil and Naptime!  Just thought i’d post real quick.

….laters people!

Today’s Mood:  Sick

Quote of the day:
The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work. – Harry Golden

My whole entire site had to be removed and started over.   Thanks inconsiderate hacker for using my domain as your phishing hole.   You inconsiderate <insert explitives here>! I’m not only unhappy with you, but my host as well for not responding to the issues in a timely fashion.

Curse you and your little phish too hackerman.

I at least was able to save quite a  few things from my blog, but until I can get time and patience to fix and upload it back, it’s blank… nada, zip… zilch … add as I go kinda theme.  Also unfortunately, I cant seem to get this theme working properly… I cant seem to post more than one post or everything is just a mess.  Guess i’ll have to play around with it when I get some time!

that is all…

kthxbai!